I must have slept deeply for the first time in ages, because I never realized when my arm slid over his waist, my hand resting on his belly. I woke up, feeling his back flush against my chest. He radiated heat under the thin blanket, which was just the effect we both had hoped to gain with this sleeping arrangement. I willed my fingers to stay still, certain that I had caressed his belly button in my sleep, a habit I had formed with Kyle. Stopping the motion, however, seemed to have given myself away.
He knew I wasn't sleeping anymore. I felt his chest rise and fall beneath my arm, so I flexed my biceps to take some of my weight off his side.
Griff grunted and slid on his back, the narrow cot leaving me no space but to stay on my side with my arm draped over his chest. My chin rested on his shoulder and my breath tickled his nape. He smelled of fresh sweat and something comforting that I couldn't name in my drowsy state. I'd probably call it 'home', if I wasn't so far from it that I knew a home wasn't something I'd ever have again.
He moved his hand and rested it on my forearm, his fingers playing with my hairs there. It felt peaceful. I continued caressing his belly lazily, the way I had done in my sleep. I could feel his skin under that soft down of hair, a thin layer covering his lithe muscles. He wasn't built like me, but there was no denying the strength in his body. It was awkward lying there like lovers, caressing each other's bodies. I heard him breathe in deeply, his mouth opening for a yawn.
"You awake?", he whispered, turning his face to me. His cheek touched my forehead and he stayed there.
"Hmm," I hummed softly, not willing to let him know I was in fact wide awake and waiting for him to freak out. He couldn't ignore this, whatever it was we did there. It went way beyond two buddies sharing a bunk to conserve heat.
When he stayed silent and left his head on my side, his lips only inches from mine, I closed my eyes tightly and felt a single tear run down my cheek. I wanted to lose myself in this feeling of shared comfort, because I was sure I would never feel this way again.
Even if this was all I would get, I'd cherish it until the day I died. I slid my arm higher, resting my hand on his heart. His hand stayed on mine, his fingers wrapped lightly around my wrist, as I pressed him closer to me, pretending I was fast asleep. It didn't take long until I dreamed again. And to my surprise, my dreams were not dark and despairing, but hopeful. I wasn't alone in them, even though I could never shake the loss of my one true love that still haunted me whenever I closed my eyes.
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